Thursday, June 25, 2015

RESPECT This is tough stuff

  Who knew what we are supposed to do I got married at a very young age.  I attended a great moms group with awesome friends that taught me what respect and submissions were and being very much a rule follower I took it to the extreme. Every step of the way I would check with my husband before doing anything. In the past few years I have come to realize that I can be reaspectfull with out needing his permission. We have a budget set up this gives me the guidelines of what I can spend then how I spend it with in that is my choice.  Time is another thing that I am still working on. I used to feel that I needed to ask permission to take the kids and do anything with them now I am learning that I can manage my time and money together to be able to get more of the things I want to do done.   I can do these things without bothering my husband and that in turn relieves him stress when he is trying to work.  I am learning that at 32 I can do things on my own and still be there as a wife and in time I pray he sees this as a benefit for him as well.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Is my God Bigger?

   Well the Lord has been speaking louder today and he is asking really what would you do for me. Charleston has changed me thousands of miles away and no one I know is there but still it changes how I am thinking today.
   I could be persuaded here in my home church. I could be killed in my car, I could die at any time for any reason so why does this question come so often. Do I follow the call to Ukraine?
   I have been to Ukraine and feel that family is there not through earthly blood but through a stronger blood the blood of my saviour.  What is sacrifice? What is persecution? Am I unwilling to go back?  What God asks is impossible no but out of fear there is doubt. Do I not have a bigger God than my doubts? I have struggled with this question several times since Christmas day. Who are we to say NO?

Friday, June 19, 2015

Why is it so hard.

Oh Lord help me today I do think I will make it through motherhood let alone being a wife.  I have been tired and feeling alone for a week or more now running the kids here and there. I am not sportsman nor a mom that believes in my kids being involved in everything. How do I show the importance of a kid being a kid running and playing in the woods will build so much more knowledge and team building than a little league game where parents are yelling at an 8 year old to "move your lazy but or he will not play again.". This is not how I feel my children should view team work or parenting. I want them to know team work comes from hard work and planning a tree fort and accomplishing the plan with others even if it's just their siblings.
  Today it is our at home day the only one all week and my kids chose to watch tv and play mindcraft but at least now they play together and drew out a plan for the world they create.  Why then do I hate being here hate just cleaning after everyone over and over each day. It's the same old thing and I want change if you can't tell I am very much an extrovert but everything biblical says I am to cook and clean but I am not ok with that I want more. What am I to do to make sure I don't go crazy in this thing called biblical woman hood? I listen to sermons and read my bible but all I get is guilt. This is why it has been months since I have posted here.